Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sister, What Shall I Call You?

By Ch, Capt Ruth N. Segres

You are my sister; a sister in ministry and in military. So, what shall I call you? You are my sister and we are friends, however, your rank is superior to mine. So, what shall I call you? You are my sister; we laugh, cry, pray, and journey together, but my rank is inferior to yours. So, sister, what shall I call you?

In the military there are a few women in the Chaplain’s Corps. The overwhelming majority of our communication is electronic. Notwithstanding, there is a connection that we share with each other that offers a level of comfort that says, “If my sister needs me, she can contact me and I will respond.” Because of time differences, TDYs, PCSs, and taskings that response may be delayed but never denied.

Being afforded such a comfort has the propensity to breed familiarity; and in this case familiarity can and does breed friendship. But how many of us normally call our friends by their title and last name? We don’t.

As sisters in military ministry there is a unique tension with which we live and contend. The tension is knowing how and when to call each other by what name. It is understood, perhaps one of those unwritten rules, that those of superior rank, and those of equal rank have the privilege to call each other by their first name. Unless otherwise informed, those of lesser rank cannot assume that privilege. That is a privilege that must be given on an individual basis.

Perhaps Ch, Capt Lipstick has been given the privilege by Ch, Lt Col Highheels to call her by her first name. Is that privilege setting one up for success or failure? It depends. Ch, Highheels should ensure that that the privilege given is not a blanket privilege to call other chaplains by their first name whose rank is superior. Ch, Highheels should also ensure that it is known when it is inappropriate to use her first name. Clear boundaries must be set and the rules of engagement must be made known. When in settings with other military personnel, social or otherwise, it is always right and safer to use titles.

As sisters in military ministry we want to ensure we are always setting each other up for success. To be given the privilege by a superior officer to call her by her first name is an honor and should be treated as such. We live with a tension: You are my sister; a sister in ministry and in military. So, what shall I call you? You are my sister and we are friends, however, your rank is superior to mine. So, what shall I call you? You are my sister, we laugh, cry, pray, and journey together, but my rank is inferior to yours. So, sister, what shall I call you? When in doubt err on the side of caution -- use her title.

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